I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
