the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
