K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hippo gnu deer
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
