Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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