Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
