I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
