I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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