His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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