my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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