I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
