dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
