i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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