My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
