the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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