The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
