I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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