dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
