She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
