i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
