if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
