what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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