i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
