I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
