it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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