FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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