shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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