Say something about gay babies.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
