Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
