You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
