Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
