Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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