i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
