im six kinds of drunk right now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
