peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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