Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
