dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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