Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
