my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
