I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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