If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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