i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
