i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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