Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
