You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
