what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's blow job season.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
