im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
a search helicopter?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
