you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
