I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
