who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
