are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
